7. Time to Yourself

"His disciples came and took the body and buried it; then they went and told Jesus. Now when Jesus heard this, he went and withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. When he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them and cured their sick. When it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, 'This is a deserted place, and the hour is now late; send the crowds away so that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.' Jesus said to them, 'They need not go away; you give them something to eat.' They replied, 'We have nothing here but five loaves and two fish.' Matthew 14: 12-17

*****

What a day--

Loaves and fishes

and water walking.

But what mattered most was what happened

just before.

You learned your friend, John, was dead--

his whole life

a premonition of yours.

You needed to be alone with your thoughts,

and you found a deserted place

to get away

But a crowd gathered

fearful and hungry

so you fed them.

You sent the twelve off fishing

and climbed a mountain

for some peace,

some reflection,

but a storm rose

so you walked out on the sea,

and calmed it down.

But I'd like to think that--

later that night, when you took your sandals off,

set them to dry by the fire, and, not one to waste,

ate a late solitary supper of bread and fish

from a basket of leftovers--

that you had a little

time to yourself

to grieve for him

and to grieve for you.

On that night, you had to be thinking

that your time was coming, you knew

it was time

to reveal

Your divinity.

But I'd like to think that, for a while,

that awful night

You allowed yourself a few moments of solitude

and a chance to just cry

like a man.

6. Homecoming

"He came to his hometown and began to teach the people in their synagogue, so that they were astounded and said, 'Where did this man get this wisdom and these deeds of power? Is not this the carpenter's son? Is not his mother called Mary? And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? And are not all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all this?' And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, 'Prophets are not without honor except in their own country and in their own house.'" Matthew 13: 54-57

*****

Jesus.

We claim you as ours.

One of us.

Carpenter, brother, man.

We pull you into our homes, old neighbor,

set you a place at our table and

ply you with our questions.

Where have you been?

What have you been doing?

We welcome you home

like Nazareans.

But

they thought they knew you--so

they couldn't know You--

not really.

I say

Let me forget who you were.

Baby in the manger, child in the temple, man eating supper with friends.

I don't want You to live in the home of my making.

Not by my rules,

not within my limits.

Don't sit at the table set with

my expectations.

Let me forget who you were.

Teach me, instead, who You are.

Invite me into Your home,

sit me down at Your table

to feast.

Let me know you beyond my knowing

Christ.

5. Real Rest

"Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11: 28-30

*****

You're lost
it's heavy
you're exhausted
I know

And it's simple, you think
Lay it down
Walk no more
Weigh no more
Work no more
No more

But beloved, dear beloved, you're wrong.
Carry nothing, live for nothing. Stop moving and
die.

You want rest?
Walk with me and we'll find it together
in the work.

Yes you will have to work, have to carry your weight.
But the weight is love.
And the work is love.
Love is the work and the weight
and the way.

I will give you rest,
Only I give you rest
and freely
Don't buy a cheap imitation
for the price of your soul,
a weightless but wandering soul.

4. Worry

"So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring troubles of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6: 34


*****

Ironic.
When we want to make ourselves
and each other feel
better
we always say
"don't worry"
by which we mean
"tomorrow
things will be better...
everything is going to be
fine."

Yet You say
"don't worry"
by which You mean
"today sucks
and tomorrow will too
in some new way
that I know
and you don't."

Don't worry?
Haven't you just told us there's
every reason to?
How can we not
trouble ourselves with the
trouble to come?
When You've just said
we're right?
it's coming?

Ironic
if what You're saying is
it isn't the trouble that concerns us
but the not-knowing

and You take that away
because You know
and we can't know
and trouble is coming
so we can't worry if it is
anymore.
so You tell us
not to worry about
what if
and to worry about
what is.

Today's trouble is enough.
Big enough
to help us
growlearnlove.

In fact,
(I can hear You say now)
don't worry about today's trouble either
'cause worry looks on the outsides
and we need to look
inside.
Keep our thoughts
right here
right now
and just be
with
You
the one who knows
that things do suck
and will continue to
and inside that
we'll be fine.

Don't worry.

3. Lord's Prayer

"When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
Pray then in this way:
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses.
As we forgive those who trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil." Matthew 6: 7-13

*****

Evil is done in this, Thy day
as we trespass into Heaven
who hallowed bread and earth as kingdom
those, our trespasses on Thy name
give it not from us, our daily temptation from Thy will

but come be
be

lead us
deliver us and
forgive us
forgive us

our Father in Heaven.

2. Perfect

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?
Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.'" Matthew 5: 43-48

*****

Perfect?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say
The people who heard You preach that day
Had Your word "perfect" echoing in their ears
Just like it's echoing in mine.

Perfect?
That's downright laughable.
I mean, have You seen me talk to my kids
after a long day at work
and a lot of whining and bickering
(mostly by them)?

You wouldn't let me put them in the enemy category either
...would You?
So I can't even tout loving my neighbor
as a particular strength of mine.

When it occurred to me that maybe Your point was to be laughable;
To say something so clearly not possible
for us
that we'd know for sure
we weren't supposed to do it
without You.

And then it occurred to me
that maybe Your point wasn't
just to tell us we're not doing enough
(and of course we're not)
but that we're not even aiming to do enough.
How can we love anyone well
while we're busy sorting out whether they deserve it
from us...
as if we know?

And it finally occurred to me
(which I have a hunch is where you wanted me to start)
that maybe Your point was
to tell me that the sun and the rain
fall on me
and the evil
and the good
which is really to say
that we're all evil and good
and we all get sun and rain
undeservedly
and the best we can do
is love

and leave it to You to sort out
(or, I have a hunch, given the way the sun and rain work, not to sort out at all)
the neighbors from the enemies.