40. By Name

"Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb  and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?” They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.” Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”). Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her." John 20: 11-18

*****

I know you know

that I get wrapped up

in what I think I see

What I think I am

And what I think is there for me.

And I know you know

That I have only to stop

to breathe

to look up

and everything can change

Everything--

in a heartbeat.



Jesus--

I will know you

if you call me

by name.

39. Peace

“A little while longer and the world will see Me no more, but you will see Me. Because I live, you will live also.  At that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you...

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. You have heard Me say to you, ‘I am going away and coming back to you.’ If you loved Me, you would rejoice because I said, ‘I am going to the Father,’ for My Father is greater than I." John 14: 19-20; 27-28

*****

Everything we think we know

in this world

is merely a shadow--

the rough outline--

of what is real

in Yours.

Peace

Love

Joy

It's almost unfair to use the same words;

our poor words

to describe your richness.

Not as the world gives

But that's all we know

What does it mean, to see you?

What does it mean, to live?

What does it mean, to love?

Show us

and soon.

Because our poor words

we pull over us like a too-small blanket

and we're chilled and we need

more--

more truth

in your words.

38. Senseless

"'Very truly, I tell you, you will weep and mourn, but the world will rejoice; you will have your pain, but your pain will turn into joy.'" John 16: 20

*****

Always the teacher,

in life and death.

But how can you teach us something

that makes no sense?

Even to you?

A moment of weakness, no more, but we heard you

beg your father

for another way

And yet he did nothing to stop it

You did nothing to stop it.

You of all people.

The only sense I can make of it

is that you did it--

you died--

to teach us

that death never makes sense

because it isn't what we were created for.

We were created to live

forever.

Your death

conquered our death

--but it was a death you could have prevented

yet a death you freely accepted, foretold even

for centuries--

a death that surpasses

all understanding--

Except maybe,

that it teaches us the senselessness

prepares us for the senselessness

of death.

37. When Supper Was Ended

When supper was ended, he took the cup.
Again he gave you thanks and praise, gave the cup to his disciples, and said:

"Take this, all of you, and drink from it:
This is the cup of my blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant.
It will be shed for you and for all, so that sins may be forgiven.
Do this in memory of me."

*****

It hit me in church today

That we begin our meal

at church and at home

by blessing your name

bringing you into it

Invoking your love to

fill us up.

But it wasn't until after

you fed your friends

shared your meal

and shared your time

when supper was ended

that you blessed and broke

the bread

and broke it, shared it and said

this is me

shared with you

remember this

and remember me.

When supper was ended

and they'd fed their bodies--

only then did you feed

their souls.

Could it be that

we're so busy getting our fill

that we can't focus on sharing

you and ourselves

with others?

I feel like I never get to the point

when supper is ended

when I know that I have enough

that I am enough

that I have you

and I can turn outwards and share you

and myself

with the world.

36. Heartsick, Knowing

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you." John 14: 1-2

*****

We think we're the ones who must furnish a place and

we move the sorrow in first,

a big, awkward couch into the dark living room

lumpy and gray

never questioning its place there in the center.

We move it in first

then try,

after the fact,

to make room for the delicate table lamp

hand-painted porcelain

that we remember, too late,

was yours

although we don't have it,

or you,

anymore.

But we lie uncomfortably

in the dark

heartsick, knowing

your lamp will have no place here--

not next to the gray, lumpy couch

that was there first.

Only now, we're too tired

and it's too big

to move out

alone.

And then we hear your whispers--

Stop. Be still.

Undo what has been done.

After all,

you hate gray.

And then wait, instead,

in trust.

We may not remember your lamp, but we know

it will coordinate --

you will coordinate--

with music and color and comfort--

so for now

we must line the walls of our hearts with trust

and curl up on trust and leave space to sometimes dance

with trust.

Because your lamp shines in the Father's house--

in the room you've already prepared--

and you are dancing in its light

waiting, untroubled,

for us.

35. Human Need

"'For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.' They said to him, 'Sir, give us this bread always.' Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'" John 6: 33-35

*****

All that we are yearns for you.

The needs you planted in us--food, clothing, shelter--

mere literary devices.

Metaphors we simple-mindedly

live into truths.

You made our bodies hungry so

we fatten them up or just get them by with a cup of meal,

having no idea that you made us need food

for dramatic effect--

to drive home the point that you are

the Bread of Life.

You made our bodies naked, and

whether haute couture or rags,

we slip them on

unwittingly playing out your point

that all our efforts won't match

God's clothing for the lilies or the grass in the field.

You made our bodies vulnerable so, cape cod or shanty,

We huddle together inside, not knowing that they are

constructions of yours, not ours,

movie sets in which we dwell

acting out our parts while waiting for our dwelling places

in your Father's house.

Not that I'm complaining, but sometimes I feel

a little silly,

playing at the game of being human,

and wondering

what metaphor I'm playing out when I reach for the next thing I think

I need.

34. A Line in the Sand

"At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, 'Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?' They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, 'If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.' Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?' 'No one, sir,' she said. 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'" John 8: 2-11

*****

Were you a writer?

Because I never knew that about you.

It doesn't matter what it was

that you wrote--

it matters more that no one read it

but you.

They were all glaring

at the condemned woman

lost in their judgments

their fingers gripped tight

around the stones

like the hate that gripped tight

around their hearts.

While you,

fingers outstretched,

wrote a line in the sand

perhaps of love

or forgiveness

but the words weren't important.

The important thing is that

they were not for them.

A reminder to yourself perhaps

that it was you who would have to forgive them again

and too soon

when their stones were

trained on you.

Lord, write your words

on my heart.

33. Judgment

"'And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed. But those who do what is true come to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God.'" John 3: 19-21

*****

If it were yours to make

you would judge

yes sinners but loved, and

Lord of Light,

you would bring us all home.

But it is written that

we decide.

The Light will divide us.

Light warms us through

gives life

spreads joy

like the brilliant glint

of diamonds

or sunlight dazzling the waves of

the sea.

Light is life is love.

Or light blinds us

burns us

throws a harsh spotlight on our hatred

on the evil in the shadows

we shrink from

the florescent truth.

Lord, let my deeds

bathe

in your light.

32. Only Son

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life." John 3: 16

*****

So many believers love these words

but I mostly hear in it, echoes

of the story I hate

from the Old Testament

when you test Abraham--

ask him to make the ultimate sacrifice

not himself,

but his son,

just to see if he would obey.

I hate that you ask such a cruel thing

(it doesn't sound like you, really)

but you come out looking like the good guy

in the nick of time so

it's Abraham's answer I hate more,

I hate that Abraham answers

with his knife.

If that's faith you can have it

and leave me to shield

my son.

If you want him you'll have to take him

over my dead body.

How can Abraham call himself a parent

and put a cause--

even his salvation--even ours--

ahead of the life

of a child, the life of his child,

the life of

His only son?

So it got me to thinking

that

as much as I hate that story,

you might have hated it more

writing it

knowing you'd be the one with the knife

soon enough

and no one to stop your hand.

As much as I hate that story,

that's as much as you love

the world.

31. The Word

In the beginning was

the Word

and the Word was

with God

and the Word was

God.

He was

in the beginning

with God.

All things came into being

through him,

and without him

not one thing came into being.

What has come into being

in him was

life,

and the life was the

light

of all people.

The light shines

in the darkness,

and the darkness did not

overcome it.

John 1: 1-5

The Word is

God is

being is

life is

light.

And the Word

became flesh.

Jesus.

30. Take This Cup

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done." Luke 22: 42

*****

How anguished and frail

you must have felt

to forget yourself like that.

To forget whose cup sat before you--

To forget who put it there,

who filled it with the deeds

that only you could do,

the life

that only you could live.

Father and son,

one in the same--

but not then.

Not right then.

In that moment,

you couldn't feel your father's presence,

couldn't feel the spirit

interwoven with flesh.

For a moment you felt alone--

betrayed by spirit,

human and frail

and anguished.

No wonder then, that I forget myself sometimes--

forget that your spirit dwells within me

and I shove away the cup

set before me.

Help me listen instead

for the voice of the spirit within

who says, gently,

"It's your cup,

set before you

by the you that always was

and always will be,

and it is filled with the deeds

that only you can do,

the life

that only you can live.

Drink deep."

29. Translation

"People were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them; and when the disciples saw it, they sternly ordered them not to do it. But Jesus called for them and said,

'Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs.'

*****

'Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.'" Luke 18: 15-16

*****

In those times

children were beneath men's notice

empty vessels--ciphers--

yet you said

Let the children come

as children boldly will

fearless

without hesitation

without restraint

Allow them through

Pave the way

Let them come.

Or suffer?

Was that, instead, your command?

Did you mean suffer because of them? Or suffer for them?

Your friends suffered

when you spent your precious time--

precious little time--

on those

who were as yet

unformed,

inconsequential.

Yet you suffer

whenever a small one in need

comes to you

appeals to you for help.

Today we suffer too.

When, knowing that we would

give our lives

for them--

our children--

we have no other choice,

no other recourse,

than to suffer them to you,

surrender them to you,

let them come

to you.

28. Persist

"I will grant her justice, so that she may not wear me out by continually coming." Luke 18: 5

*****

I'm gonna wear You down

now that I know Your secret

that You can't resist me

just like I can't resist You.

I'm gonna wear You out

asking for things I have no business having

comfort

peace

joy

love.

And I'm not gonna shut up

till I get them.

Oh yes, Lord, you're gonna get sick of me

at the sight of me

at the sound of me

coming down the road.

Draw your shades,

it won't matter.

Knock, knock.

27. Prodigal

"Then Jesus said, 'There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.' So he divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and traveled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living. When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said, 'How many of my father's hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.'

So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his slaves, 'Quickly, bring out a robe--the best one--and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate, for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!' And they began to celebrate.

Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on. He replied, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound. Then he became angry and refused to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him. But he answered his father, 'Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!' Then the father said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.'" Luke 15: 11-32

*****

What if the story isn't about love

despite

all he'd done?

What if the story is about

loving him more

because

of it?

Perhaps you don't approve

when we stay behind

half alive--

resentfully working like slaves.

Perhaps you don't just excuse us

you encourage us.

Spend every cent,

squander our gifts,

everything you gave us

so that we have to come--destitute--

and unworthy--

home to you.

26. Samaritan

...'And who is my neighbor?' Jesus replied, 'A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan while traveling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, 'Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend.'

Which of these three, do you think, was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?' He said, 'The one who showed him mercy.' Jesus said to him, 'Go and do likewise.'" Luke 10: 29-37

*****

Usually when we play this out

You're the foreigner

walking by

and I'm the one bleeding

on the side of the road.

I wouldn't even talk to You

on any other day

and I might not today either--

yet you take pity anyway

and bathe my wounds.

But every once in a while

I'm cast in the role

of the foreigner walking past

and I'm moved by pity when I see

You bleeding by the side of the road.

I love myself

loving You

on those days.

 

25. Don't Tell

"But he took her by the hand and called out, 'Child, get up!' Her spirit returned, and she got up at once. Then he directed them to give her something to eat. Her parents were astounded; but he ordered them to tell no one what had happened." Luke 8: 54-56

*****

 

You came to spread the word--

to tell the world about God's love

That all were saved

That the least of people would be the greatest in heaven.

You worked miracle after miracle

for the least of people

here on earth

and could have--

maybe should have--

used each person's voice

to point to heaven,

to speak of God's love.

Yet instead

you said,

"tell no one"--

told the healed blind man and leper,

resurrected little girl and

even your disciples

to remain silent,

to say nothing

about what they'd seen

and you spoke yourself hoarse--

spoke yourself to the cross--

instead.

A paradox

that you were

the Word

but told them

not to say a word

about it.

 

And here we are today surrounded by people

talking about you

and I'm thinking you were onto something, Jesus,

'cause the more they talk, the less I listen,

'cause a lot of the time, Jesus,

they sure don't sound like you.

Could it be, perhaps,

that we can't speak your Word?

Not fluently anyway.

That it's a language not meant for our tongues?

That the love you share

can be lost

in translation?

That instead we must remain silent--

use not our voices

but Your voice--

to live your Word

instead?

24. Healing

"Just then some men came, carrying a paralyzed man on a bed. They were trying to bring him in and lay him before Jesus; but finding no way to bring him in because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the middle of the crowd in front of Jesus. When he saw their faith, he said, 'Friend, your sins are forgiven you.' Then the scribes and the Pharisees began to question, 'Who is this who is speaking blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?'

When Jesus perceived their questionings, he answered them, 'Why do you raise such questions in your hearts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins are forgiven you,' or to say, 'Stand up and walk?' But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins' -- he said to the one who was paralyzed -- 'I say to you, stand up and take your bed and go to your home.' Immediately he stood up before them, took what he had been lying on, and went to his home, glorifying God." Luke 5: 18-25

*****

You are so wise, You

who look past the body

and see into the soul.

A broken man came to you

and you healed him.

And then,

as an afterthought,

(more for the crowd than the man)

you made him walk, too.

I'd like to think he knew it didn't matter

half as much.

That he already had a

spring in his step that had nothing to do with his

legs.

Soul healing,

sins forgiven

shriveled legs a reminder of the heart inside

he turned over to You.

At least I'd like to think so.

But Lord, take pity on us,

in case we're not so wise.

Heal the spirits within

our broken bodies, yes.

But, if you don't mind,

as an afterthought

(for the crowd, really)

could you make us walk, too?

Just in case

our simple souls need to see some proof

that we're well.

23. Wilderness

"Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing at all during those days, and when they were over, he was famished." Luke 4: 1-2

*****

In the days when

small towns were born

people banded together

for safety, food,

survival--

society meant life

and solitude, danger:

Wilderness meant death.

Forty days,

an eternity of combat

for life.

Yet it was you who made the wilderness

Breathed it with life.

So it occurs to me

in these days I live in when

small towns are dying

cities choked with starving people--

society can mean death

and solitude, safety:

Wilderness means survival.

And for me, forty days becomes, instead,

a preparation

time away to breathe in

nature's nourishment,

to combat for life

and win.

Which was it--

or was it both

for you?