32. Only Son

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life." John 3: 16

*****

So many believers love these words

but I mostly hear in it, echoes

of the story I hate

from the Old Testament

when you test Abraham--

ask him to make the ultimate sacrifice

not himself,

but his son,

just to see if he would obey.

I hate that you ask such a cruel thing

(it doesn't sound like you, really)

but you come out looking like the good guy

in the nick of time so

it's Abraham's answer I hate more,

I hate that Abraham answers

with his knife.

If that's faith you can have it

and leave me to shield

my son.

If you want him you'll have to take him

over my dead body.

How can Abraham call himself a parent

and put a cause--

even his salvation--even ours--

ahead of the life

of a child, the life of his child,

the life of

His only son?

So it got me to thinking

that

as much as I hate that story,

you might have hated it more

writing it

knowing you'd be the one with the knife

soon enough

and no one to stop your hand.

As much as I hate that story,

that's as much as you love

the world.

31. The Word

In the beginning was

the Word

and the Word was

with God

and the Word was

God.

He was

in the beginning

with God.

All things came into being

through him,

and without him

not one thing came into being.

What has come into being

in him was

life,

and the life was the

light

of all people.

The light shines

in the darkness,

and the darkness did not

overcome it.

John 1: 1-5

The Word is

God is

being is

life is

light.

And the Word

became flesh.

Jesus.

30. Take This Cup

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done." Luke 22: 42

*****

How anguished and frail

you must have felt

to forget yourself like that.

To forget whose cup sat before you--

To forget who put it there,

who filled it with the deeds

that only you could do,

the life

that only you could live.

Father and son,

one in the same--

but not then.

Not right then.

In that moment,

you couldn't feel your father's presence,

couldn't feel the spirit

interwoven with flesh.

For a moment you felt alone--

betrayed by spirit,

human and frail

and anguished.

No wonder then, that I forget myself sometimes--

forget that your spirit dwells within me

and I shove away the cup

set before me.

Help me listen instead

for the voice of the spirit within

who says, gently,

"It's your cup,

set before you

by the you that always was

and always will be,

and it is filled with the deeds

that only you can do,

the life

that only you can live.

Drink deep."

29. Translation

"People were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them; and when the disciples saw it, they sternly ordered them not to do it. But Jesus called for them and said,

'Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs.'

*****

'Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.'" Luke 18: 15-16

*****

In those times

children were beneath men's notice

empty vessels--ciphers--

yet you said

Let the children come

as children boldly will

fearless

without hesitation

without restraint

Allow them through

Pave the way

Let them come.

Or suffer?

Was that, instead, your command?

Did you mean suffer because of them? Or suffer for them?

Your friends suffered

when you spent your precious time--

precious little time--

on those

who were as yet

unformed,

inconsequential.

Yet you suffer

whenever a small one in need

comes to you

appeals to you for help.

Today we suffer too.

When, knowing that we would

give our lives

for them--

our children--

we have no other choice,

no other recourse,

than to suffer them to you,

surrender them to you,

let them come

to you.

28. Persist

"I will grant her justice, so that she may not wear me out by continually coming." Luke 18: 5

*****

I'm gonna wear You down

now that I know Your secret

that You can't resist me

just like I can't resist You.

I'm gonna wear You out

asking for things I have no business having

comfort

peace

joy

love.

And I'm not gonna shut up

till I get them.

Oh yes, Lord, you're gonna get sick of me

at the sight of me

at the sound of me

coming down the road.

Draw your shades,

it won't matter.

Knock, knock.

27. Prodigal

"Then Jesus said, 'There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.' So he divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and traveled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living. When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said, 'How many of my father's hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.'

So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his slaves, 'Quickly, bring out a robe--the best one--and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate, for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!' And they began to celebrate.

Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on. He replied, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound. Then he became angry and refused to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him. But he answered his father, 'Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!' Then the father said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.'" Luke 15: 11-32

*****

What if the story isn't about love

despite

all he'd done?

What if the story is about

loving him more

because

of it?

Perhaps you don't approve

when we stay behind

half alive--

resentfully working like slaves.

Perhaps you don't just excuse us

you encourage us.

Spend every cent,

squander our gifts,

everything you gave us

so that we have to come--destitute--

and unworthy--

home to you.

26. Samaritan

...'And who is my neighbor?' Jesus replied, 'A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell into the hands of robbers, who stripped him, beat him, and went away, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a priest was going down that road; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan while traveling came near him; and when he saw him, he was moved with pity. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, having poured oil and wine on them. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said, 'Take care of him; and when I come back, I will repay you whatever more you spend.'

Which of these three, do you think, was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of the robbers?' He said, 'The one who showed him mercy.' Jesus said to him, 'Go and do likewise.'" Luke 10: 29-37

*****

Usually when we play this out

You're the foreigner

walking by

and I'm the one bleeding

on the side of the road.

I wouldn't even talk to You

on any other day

and I might not today either--

yet you take pity anyway

and bathe my wounds.

But every once in a while

I'm cast in the role

of the foreigner walking past

and I'm moved by pity when I see

You bleeding by the side of the road.

I love myself

loving You

on those days.

 

25. Don't Tell

"But he took her by the hand and called out, 'Child, get up!' Her spirit returned, and she got up at once. Then he directed them to give her something to eat. Her parents were astounded; but he ordered them to tell no one what had happened." Luke 8: 54-56

*****

 

You came to spread the word--

to tell the world about God's love

That all were saved

That the least of people would be the greatest in heaven.

You worked miracle after miracle

for the least of people

here on earth

and could have--

maybe should have--

used each person's voice

to point to heaven,

to speak of God's love.

Yet instead

you said,

"tell no one"--

told the healed blind man and leper,

resurrected little girl and

even your disciples

to remain silent,

to say nothing

about what they'd seen

and you spoke yourself hoarse--

spoke yourself to the cross--

instead.

A paradox

that you were

the Word

but told them

not to say a word

about it.

 

And here we are today surrounded by people

talking about you

and I'm thinking you were onto something, Jesus,

'cause the more they talk, the less I listen,

'cause a lot of the time, Jesus,

they sure don't sound like you.

Could it be, perhaps,

that we can't speak your Word?

Not fluently anyway.

That it's a language not meant for our tongues?

That the love you share

can be lost

in translation?

That instead we must remain silent--

use not our voices

but Your voice--

to live your Word

instead?

24. Healing

"Just then some men came, carrying a paralyzed man on a bed. They were trying to bring him in and lay him before Jesus; but finding no way to bring him in because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the middle of the crowd in front of Jesus. When he saw their faith, he said, 'Friend, your sins are forgiven you.' Then the scribes and the Pharisees began to question, 'Who is this who is speaking blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?'

When Jesus perceived their questionings, he answered them, 'Why do you raise such questions in your hearts? Which is easier to say, 'Your sins are forgiven you,' or to say, 'Stand up and walk?' But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins' -- he said to the one who was paralyzed -- 'I say to you, stand up and take your bed and go to your home.' Immediately he stood up before them, took what he had been lying on, and went to his home, glorifying God." Luke 5: 18-25

*****

You are so wise, You

who look past the body

and see into the soul.

A broken man came to you

and you healed him.

And then,

as an afterthought,

(more for the crowd than the man)

you made him walk, too.

I'd like to think he knew it didn't matter

half as much.

That he already had a

spring in his step that had nothing to do with his

legs.

Soul healing,

sins forgiven

shriveled legs a reminder of the heart inside

he turned over to You.

At least I'd like to think so.

But Lord, take pity on us,

in case we're not so wise.

Heal the spirits within

our broken bodies, yes.

But, if you don't mind,

as an afterthought

(for the crowd, really)

could you make us walk, too?

Just in case

our simple souls need to see some proof

that we're well.

23. Wilderness

"Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing at all during those days, and when they were over, he was famished." Luke 4: 1-2

*****

In the days when

small towns were born

people banded together

for safety, food,

survival--

society meant life

and solitude, danger:

Wilderness meant death.

Forty days,

an eternity of combat

for life.

Yet it was you who made the wilderness

Breathed it with life.

So it occurs to me

in these days I live in when

small towns are dying

cities choked with starving people--

society can mean death

and solitude, safety:

Wilderness means survival.

And for me, forty days becomes, instead,

a preparation

time away to breathe in

nature's nourishment,

to combat for life

and win.

Which was it--

or was it both

for you?

22. Mother

"And the child's father and mother were amazed at what was being said about him. Then Simeon blessed them and said to his mother Mary, 'This child is destined for the falling and the rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be opposed so that the inner thoughts of many will be revealed--and a sword will pierce your own soul too." Luke 2: 33-35

*****

Not baking cookies

kissing skinned knees,

or soothing troubled sleep.

Our stories of you,

serene and lovely,

are of faith.

Not faith in yourself

as mother--

that you and you alone

could calm His fears

and make it all better.

Faith, instead, that it would be made right

that which--with every fiber of your being--

every beat of your heart--

felt wrong.

Fitting and right that

your loveliness stems from

standing in the face of how much you would lose

and how little you could do about it.

"A sword will pierce your own soul, too"

as it does ours.

Mothers.

21. Magnify

"And Mary said, "My soul magnifies the Lord,

and my spirit rejoices in God my savior,

for he has looked with favor on the lowliness of his servant." Luke 1: 46-48

*****

Most remarkable?

She was so

unremarkable.

She knew it

yet

when she was chosen

she didn't let

the small matter

of her small stature

prevent great things

from happening to her--

through her--

to us.

She simply said

let it be done

as you said.

Use my small self

for your greatness.

Magnificat anima mea, Dominum.

She showed us,

in fact,

just as clearly as a beam of light

through a pinhole

that the smaller the soul

the larger Your

magnification.

20. Keep Awake

"'But about that day or hour no one knows, neither the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Beware, keep alert; for you do not know when the time will come. It is like a man going on a journey, when he leaves home and puts his slaves in charge, each with his work, and commands the doorkeeper to be on the watch. Therefore, keep awake--for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or at cockcrow, or at dawn, or else he may find you asleep when he comes suddenly. And what I say to you I say to all: Keep awake.'" Mark 13: 32-37

*****

Sometimes we hear your word and it

wakes us up,

electrifies us.

Maybe you answer a prayer

with yes

or providence smiles on us

or you show up right when we need you

and we get goose bumps of recognition

that something bigger than us

is in control.

It's a mountain-top-moment

and we're infatuated with you and

we wake from our stupor to an alarm clock

blaring radiant love.

But you know how it is

after a while

we get used to the sound

of the alarm

or wonder if we could have been mistaken

or dreaming

after all

and we remember how tired we are and

how much easier it would be to stay in bed so

we sink back down.

We hit the snooze button

on all those things we said we'd do,

changes we'd make,

people we'd help,

promises we'd made

to you

in the moment

when you shook us from sleep

and anything was possible.

Yes, you're glad when we

wake up

but that's mostly your doing--

Your life's work.

But our life's work--and we'll spend our whole lives learning it--

is to keep awake

even when we have to strain to hear the alarm

sounding for love

and we're tired

and we barely remember how alive we felt

when last we were

awoken.

19. Lord of the Outcast

"But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first." Mark 10: 31

*****

Revolutionary.

From our inclusive world

it's hard to see that You were the first

to include.

Surrounded by diversity, by tolerance

it's easy for me to forget that

You died for diversity--

They killed you for Your tolerance.

You raised up the poor, the lepers, the Samaritans

and whores--

dirt beneath holy men's feet.

You--the first to make compassion holy.

But you didn't just give them compassion,

you gave them dignity--

not just dignity, you made them equals

not just equals, you made them kings

in the only kingdom

that ever mattered.

18. Glorious

"'From the fig tree learn its lesson: as soon as its branch become tender and puts forth its leaves, you know that summer is near. So also, when you see these things taking place, you know that he is near, at the very gates.'" Mark 13: 28-29

*****

There is just something about that first glorious day

Mid-March if we're lucky

When the sun breaks through

and you scramble through the pile at the back of the closet

for limb-baring apparel

because your skin itself calls out

for the light.

When you walk you skip

or dance

basking in the sheer joy of the cool breeze

and the sun's rays that pierce through the fog

you've been sleepwalking through.

You didn't even know you were half dead

like the bare branches

until now--

now that you've become tender and green,

and you leap back into living

today.

You daydream about a convertible

but you settle for all the windows down

radio blaring

singing your heart out--

the heart that bounces upwards in your chest

like a helium balloon.

You breathe love in

as deeply as you can bear

and every word you sing or speak

on this day

are in praise of God

and the magic of feeling Him

near,

at the very gates,

on this perfect, glorious day.

17. Symbol

"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Mark 10: 25

*****

A camel through the needle's eye

A rich man through the gates of heaven

Rich is the symbol for full

The rich man is the symbol for me,

filling myself up with not-You

So when You said "sell what you own"

You meant for me to empty myself,

stop cherishing anything but Your love.

Radical metaphor.

Parables

Analogies

You revealed Your truths through riddles.

I unravel Your mysteries

uncover your secrets.

But what if the real riddle is that

you meant it?

Every word?

"Jesus said to him, 'If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.'" Matthew 19: 21-22

16. The Choice

"He called the crowd with his disciples and said to them, 'If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.'" Mark 8: 34

*****

After the Fall, no such thing

as no suffering

I live ... I ache

Take up the cross with my name on it

or be crushed under its weight.

After the Rise, no such thing

as no joy

I live ... I heal

Wander on a broken path toward love or

simply

follow You.

15. Glimpse

"Then he began to teach them that the Son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. He said all this quite openly. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But turning and looking at his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, 'Get behind me, Satan! For you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.'" Mark 8: 31-33

"Six days later, Jesus took with him Peter and James and John, and led them up a high mountain apart, by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no one on earth could bleach them." Mark 9: 2-3

*****

How scared they must have felt

betrayed

when you told them that

you would be killed--

put to death.

They loved you more than their own lives

and they knew you had the power

to stop it from happening,

but instead You

told them you would do nothing but

let it come,

and so must they

if they loved you.

Dark days.

Is that why, then, You

let them glimpse

Your light?

To drive out the shadows of humanness

by dazzling them with divinity?

So they could know you as you really were and

hold their Father close

even as they let their brother go?

14. A Sign

"The Pharisees came and began to argue with him, asking him for a sign from heaven, to test him. And he sighed deeply in his spirit and said, 'Why does this generation ask for a sign? Truly I tell you, no sign will be given to this generation.' And he left them, and getting into the boat again, he went across to the other side.

Now the disciples had forgotten to bring any bread; and they had only one loaf with them in the boat. And he cautioned them, saying, 'Watch out--beware of the yeast of the Pharisees and the yeast of Herod.' They said to one another, 'It is because we have no bread.' And becoming aware of it, Jesus said to them, 'Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes, and fail to see? Do you have ears, and fail to hear? And do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces did you collect?' And they said to him, 'Seven.' Then he said to them, 'Do you not yet understand?'" Mark 8: 11-21

*****

You fed thousands, healed hundreds,

raised the dead--

yet you said that no sign would be given

to that generation.

Your whole life

was a sign to that generation.

What more could they possibly have needed?

No wonder you sighed

deep in your spirit.

And here we are thinking

today

that if only we'd lived back then,

had gotten to know you, see you, touch you and

hear you speak, then

surely we'd believe.

That if only it was our sight you restored or

our boat you walked out to or

our hands in your side then

surely we'd trust in you.

But then again,

here were your closest friends

sitting in a boat fretting about how to make do

with one loaf of bread--

and you were sitting right there in the boat with them

when, at the very last place you were together,

the very last place

you fed, not 12, but 5,000 people

with not-enough bread.

Yet still

they didn't trust you

to provide for them.

Is that your point?

Everything's a sign

if we trust you,

and nothing's a sign

if we don't.

Here I am fretting because I can't find my wallet

again

and I've just remembered that the last time this happened,

the very last time

I sent up a prayer and found it

under the seat in the car

(a place that I'd already checked

three times)

and here I am fretting

when I should be sending up a prayer

and checking under the seat in the car

again.

Maybe,

just maybe,

it's a sign.